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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.