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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
The fox says you need to stop.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.