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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!