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If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.