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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I put the hot in psychotic.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....