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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.