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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!