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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
No pants are the best pants.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.