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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
That`s not how I met your mother.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?