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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.