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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
Do you really have to breath that much?
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…