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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.