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I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.