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Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!