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It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.