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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
My inner self is in Photoshop
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.