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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.