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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Very little scares me. So does very big.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”