Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.