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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.