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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.