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Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.