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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.