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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.