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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.