Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.