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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.