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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"