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Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?