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Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...