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Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.