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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me