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i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.