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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park