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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.