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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.