Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
This patience thing takes forever.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.