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Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.