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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.