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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Attention fuels immaturity
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.