Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.