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If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.