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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
My favorite beer is an open one.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.