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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.