Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.