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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
Iām not always rude. Sometimes Iām sleeping.