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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.