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I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.