Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"