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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......