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It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside