Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.