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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
Iām not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.