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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
My friend wants to know if you think Iām hot.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.