Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...