Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
Will be drunk until further notice.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Me and my recliner...we go way back.