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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?