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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.