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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles