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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.