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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?