Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.