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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.