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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here