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Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
like this if you are against animal cruelty
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.