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Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.