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The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...